Wisecracker (5e Equipment)

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Weapon (mace), legendary (requires attunement)

While wielding the Wisecracker, you gain proficiency with all Charisma checks and Charisma saving throws.1

Additionally, when you hit a creature with the Wisecracker, the creature must make a DC 20 Wisdom saving throw. A creature that cannot be charmed or has an Intelligence score of 4 or less automatically succeeds on this saving throw. On a failed save, the creature falls prone as it bursts with uncontrollable laughter, becoming incapacitated and unable to stand up until the end of its next turn. A creature that is affected by this effect can communicate telepathically with the Wisecracker.2

Curse. The Wisecracker is cursed, and attuning to it curses you until you are targeted by the remove curse spell or similar magic. As long as you remain cursed, you are unwilling to part with the Wisecracker, keeping it within reach at all times. You also have disadvantage on attack rolls with weapons other than the Wisecracker.3

The Wisecracker only deals 1 bludgeoning damage instead of its normal damage.4

Sentience. The Wisecracker is a chaotic neutral sentient mace.5 It has an Intelligence score of 12 (+1), a Wisdom score of 16 (+3), and a Charisma score of 16 (+3). It has hearing and darkvision out to 60 feet. The Wisecracker can speak, read and understand Common and can communicate telepathically with its wielder. While attuned to a creature, the Wisecracker understands all languages its wielder knows.
Personality. The Wisecracker is a very special kind of mace: It talks. A lot. Twenty-four-seven. And half of its words are unbearable puns.6

The Wisecracker has an astonishingly great talent in making impressions of others, especially its past and current wielders. Being the Wisecracker, it utilizes this talent into making fun of others, especially its past and current wielders.7 The Wisecracker also has a decent talent of mimicking all known dialects and accents in Common, although it finds problem with applying them to other languages.8

The Wisecracker is a natural born joker, with only entertaining others in its mind.9 Whether it's good at doing what it thinks it does is up to debate, but it is safe to say that not all buffoons are welcome in the town, especially the bad improving kind of them.10

Most of rumors concerning the Wisecracker is, in fact, no match against the facts told by none other than the Wisecracker itself, so the descriptions will be replaced with quotes from the Mace that Talks itself:

1 "The world is a war zone, my friend, a constant battlefield of wits! You should be lucky for having me to guide you along the way, ha!"

2 "Did you see that? Did you see that? Finally! I'm making progress! ...Oh, wait, that was just a forced laughter, not a real one. Meh. Wake me up when that chap gets what I just said about "as docile as a winter catfish.""

3 "Say, my friend, what kind of relationship you were developing with that shiny little longsword now sleeping in your sheath? I'm no bright with laws and all, but I know there's a word for it, and it's bigamy, you double-timing twat!"

4 "Look, I may be created as a mace, but all I really wanted to be is an entertainer, not a barbaric skullcracker like you are forcing me into. So would you kindly put me down and- Oi! I said "Would you kindly!""

5 "You can call me the mace with more personality than all the Royal Court combined, but that doesn't make much difference, 'cos you don't make a good nobleman with a lot of personality to begin with..."

6 "Or play on words, to be specific, chief."

7 "And then - and here's the killer - he made a gigantic swing with me in his hands, like those windmills you find at the Northern side of the kingdom, and charged into the sorcerer, screaming at the top of his lungs, "By Grabthar's Hammer!" Well, too bad for him that the wicked sorcerer was quick to conjure this big, beautiful wall right in front of him. Most epic thud I've ever heard of."

8 "Nothing is more embarrassing when you thought you practiced Infernal accent all night and find yourself stuck in the infinity-th Layer of the Abyss. Blimey, those demon blokes don't even understand what a joke is supposed to be!"

9 "Feed me. Not that you can, but still."

10 "At least I never quit just because I'm not successful at the moment. Just you wait, I'll show the entire multiverse what a great entertainer I have become."

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