Talk:Shade (5e Race)

Thoughts

Similar to core bot, the wording needs help to align with 5e grammar practices. Age, while I like casual, it isn't for the wiki or 5e homebrew. needs written to mirror 5e grammar. Alignment seems to include a meta option. Races are aren't created with a "meta" in mind. If its non-evil campaign, don't play the race or get DM approval. The note is uncharacteristic of 5e grammar and practices. Traits, Undead Knowledge does nothing. These things need to interact with the rules of the game. Flesh out your flavor and poetry in the above area for society and stuff. There's a phrase for incorporeality. not a word but hopefully the jist is gotten. Lore/fluff is a little skimpy but I ain't been one to really complain about that.   ~BigShotFancyMan   talk   09:48, 25 September 2019 (MDT)

I echo BSFM's sentiment about the writing/wording/grammar. I personally have little love for races that use the "you have x from your past life or base race" but a look at the Revenant (5e Race) might help, as it deals in this area a little. This race has a good deal of lore that can be said for it, drawing from many works of fantasy like Nier or Eragon, and so that can add to the fluff aspect. --Yanied (talk) 20:53, 25 September 2019 (MDT)

Ok. Grammar, I actually don't really know the "5e grammar and wording", so I can't alter. Alignment, I wanted to make sure that everyone understood that my undead race doesn't have to be evil, but anything they want. Undead Knowledge means that if your character died and you want it back, you can ask your DM to make an Undead you. Just change your race. Also, BSFM, if you find my lore/history lacking, I invite you to edit that. I trust you. Flamestarter (talk) 08:02, 27 September 2019 (MDT)Flamestarter

You can alter. Grab a Player's Handbook, or look at the SRD on the wiki, and read how they write things. Then, mirror what you have to look/read like that.

If you wanted to play a character that died, you'd have to ask your DM either way. This trait does not interact with the rules of D&D. There is no rule that say once a character dies that player can never play it again.

I am struggling a little bit here because "you can't" write wording correctly and you don't want to write the lore for your own creation, and not all the traits do something. Editing this would simply be taking over someone's idea and making it their own. A closer look, the lore and fluff isn't written from a personal point of view aka first person view aka don't use "I". It tells a story. I don't mind helping at all, but this seems more like a rewrite. Can you provide some clarity on the expectations of the help you are seeking?

I don't really know. I guess... I just need help with a lot of things, mostly my lore and such. Unfortunately, I have trouble FINDING lore to put in, so that's not great. Also, I don't feel comfortable creating lore for certain things, like things I get from games. I don't know a ton of stuff about the legends of the undead to finish the lore on this one.

There's no shame with an incomplete tag for lore and fluff in the hopes another user would help. It would at least advertise to others the desire to have help.   ~BigShotFancyMan   talk   13:10, 30 September 2019 (MDT)

Yeah, or a WIP tag. You can find willing helpers for fluff and lore here, where there are literally users signed up for that specifically, as well as balance and art.--Yanied (talk) 19:47, 30 September 2019 (MDT)