Early 1980's NBA Player (5e Feat)
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Early 1980's NBA Player
Prerequisites: None, except for a good work ethic, and a pair of Chuck Taylor's Converse.
Listen here, kid. Much like hand to hand combat, basketball nowadays has just gotten out of hands. All the greatest basketball players of all time, like Craig Hodges, or...or Rick Robey, yeah Rick Robey was good...they didn't get to where they were by all this fancy dribbling and alley-oop dunking, and they definitely didn't shoot three-point shots - they got there because they were well coached, put in hard work, and knew how to really shoot the ball. They may not be the fastest guys out there, and the might only get 17 minutes a game as a "role player", but I tell ya - they really were some of the best out there. And you want to talk defense? Y'know, the battlefield isn't the only place where defense wins! These guys, guys like Craig and Robey, they knew how to play defense. They wouldn't be afraid to get a little rough with it too. Refs let 'em play back in the day, y'know? None of this soft bullcrap you see now. Drawing upon the power of some of basketball's all-timers, you gain the following skills:
Long Twos. Back in the golden age of basketball, we didn't need to rely on a "three-point shot". We shot long jumpers off the backboard, like real men. Any ranged attack that is within 5 ft. of the edge of the range of the attack can be made with advantage - this will apply to any short range attack made with a ranged weapon. Any range attack made at long range will get an automatic -5 to hit.
NBA All-Defensive Honorable Mention. You may not have the athleticism of some players in the league. But your tenacity and scrappiness make you one of the more annoying fellas to play ball against - it's simply just tough to get by you. All opportunity attacks you make are made at advantage. However, you're not the fastest guy in the league yourself, and you're not known for getting by people yourself. All opportunity attacks made against you are made at advantage.
1980's Basketball Athleticism. Let's face it - you weren't born an athlete. Some might argue you still aren't an athlete. From a young age, you were belabored with undiagnosed back issues that just didn't seem to go away. You have a pain in your side. You call it a "hip issue" - you're not really sure where the hip ends and the quad begins. But "hip issue" somehow makes it sound legit. Remove 5 ft. from your movement speed. Additionally, getting up from prone takes your entire turn.
The Intangibles. Look kid, the best part of being a ball player? It's not all the fancy accolades. It's not about scoring 30 points a night, and it's definitely not about showing up to the game wearing all this clothing and jewelry. It's about the love of playing a good game. Taking this feat will instill within you the pride that you will shoot, in total, 18 three-pointers in your career. You will average 3.2 assists, but less than 1 turnover per game. You listen to your coach, and you give good, concise post-game interviews. This feat is bigger than combat skills, and it's bigger than basketball - it's about going to sleep as a real man. Good job kid. There's hope for you yet.
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