April Fools 5e Weapons

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This list of homebrew content includes nonmagical weapons that were made on D&D Wiki for 5e, but are specifically intended to be comedic—or "joke weapons". Due to their nature, these weapons may not be balanced or otherwise suited for a normal campaign.

Simple Melee Weapons

Simple Melee Weapons	Cost	Damage	Weight	Properties
Badass Knife	—	2d4 piercing or slashing	2 lb.	Armor piercing (-2), finesse, light, thrown (range 30/90), special
Battle Pan	2 gp	1d4 Bludgeoning	3 lb.	Light, Versatile (1d6), Special
Frozen Fish	2 sp	1d8 bludgeoning	10 lb.	Two-handed
Kabong	1 gp	1d4 bludgeoning	5 lbs.	Heavy, Special
Pencil	5 gp	2d10 piercing	0.01 lb.	Light, Hidden, Undersized, Thrown 10/50, Finesse.)
Scissors	5 cp	1 slashing	1/4 lb.	Light, Versatile(1d4), Special
Spork	1 gp	1d6 piercing	0.5 ½ lb.	Light, thrown (range 20/60)
The Legendary Spork	You must find the legendary spork wielder and either kill them or persuade them.	14 d6 Piercing	1 lb	Light/Throwable with a range of 10 ft unless you attach it to a long stick or something else.

Simple Ranged Weapons

Simple Ranged Weapons	Cost	Damage	Weight	Properties
B-Ball	2 gp	1d6 bludgeoning	1 lb.	Thrown (Range 50/100)
Banana Bomb	10 gp	1d8 fire	1/2 lb.	Light, thrown (30, 120), special
Bottle Cannon	1 sp	1d10 bludgeoning	3 lb.	Light, Two handed,
Football	10 gp	1d4 bludgeoning	1 lb.	Thrown (Range 60/100)
The Shotgun Pistol	15 gp	6d8 piercing	2 lb.	Light

Martial Melee Weapons

Martial Melee Weapons	Cost	Damage	Weight	Properties
A True Katana	25 gp	2d6 slashing	3 lb.	Finesse, Light, Versatile(2d8)
Longersword	150 gp	1d6 slashing	6 lb.	Heavy, Reach, Versatile (1d10)
Masterwork Katana	150 gp	1d8 slashing	3 lb.	Versatile (1d10), Special
Simmy-tar	15 gp	1d6 slashing	3 lb.	gun
Springloaded Lance	45 gp	1d12 piercing	8 lb.	Special, reach
Tough Glove	50 gp	2d10 bludgeoning	-3 lb.(That's right, using this actually gives you a 3+ bonus to strength rolls)	Light, Versatile
Towel	15 gp	1d8 Piercing	1 lb.	Light, Finesse, special

Martial Ranged Weapons

Martial Ranged Weapons	Cost	Damage	Weight	Properties
Greatsword Sniper Rifle	275 gp	3d6 piercing	7 lb.	Ammunition, Ranged (300/1200), Heavy, Two-Handed, Special
Keyboard	69 gp	2d8 psychic + intelligence modifier	0.165 lb.	Range (60/180), two-handed, special
Longsword Minigun	250 gp	1d8 piercing	8 lb.	Ammunition, Ranged (30/120), Heavy, Two-Handed, Special
Monkey Launcher	1776 gp	3d8 slashing	10 lb.	Ammunition (range 150/600), heavy, two-handed
Pig Parang	15 gp	2d4 Slashing	6	light, special
Really Big Pistol		8d10 bludgeoning	100 lb.	Ammunition (range 600/2,400), heavy, loading.
Semi-auto Blowgun	69 gp	1 piercing	3 lb.	Ammunition, Ranged (25/100 ft.) Reload (20 shots), Special.
UNO Reverse Card	1 gp	1d8 cold, fire, thunder, necrotic.	.1 lb	Light, Finesse, Thrown (range 20/60 ft.)

Ammunition

Ammunition	Cost	Weight

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