Ted the Mindflayer (3.5e Deity)
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| Overdeity | |
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| Symbol: | a Fry pan with bacon and egg mixed together |
| Home Plane: | You know that place that could lead to suicide and to complete insanity... |
| Alignment: | Chaotic Neutral |
| Portfolio: | Distressing images, fried foods, embarrassed elves, thumbs |
| Clergy Alignments: | Any nonlawful |
| Domains: | Chaos, Fry-Up, Hunger (Libris Mortis), Madness |
| Favored Weapon: | frying pan... or a bottle of lard could help too. |
Ted[edit]
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Ted is a new deity, with a portfolio of distressing mental pictures, fried foods, embarrassed elves and the thumbs-up. He generally appears as a mindflayer with his right thumb up and a frying pan in his left hand, and when depicted in images, generally superimposed over a background of an intoxicated "female" elf engaging in unsavory acts with some random other creature. He is pals with Chuck Norris. Ted delights in madness and mind-blasting imagery that mortals fear to see, lest they never be able to use google spell again.
Rumors spread that only the bravest and strongest in both mind and spirit can be part of his ‘cult’. Those elven clerics of his that announced themselves openly usually has that maniacal smile and quirkiness of a madman (or woman I might say) but they are able to perform ‘unimaginable’ miracles that could wake a comatose man to life or even make an entire army writhe in agony on the ground mumbling ‘no... the mental image .... ’. Often, those who has been ‘healed’ by Ted lead an exclusively reclusive life from that point on.
Services to Ted involve large amounts of bacon and female elves, the elves (preferably moonelves but lot of sun also go on the lot) are said to be ‘indoctrinated’ into submission until they become a willing part of Ted's priestdom. Lots of them are willing to give a share of what they have seen and experienced on the larger elven community all for Ted’s glory. The elves’ future appears to be bleak this year. Just Don't call him squidhead or squidface. Entire cosmologies vanished for one inhabitant making that error.
Dogma[edit]
They say that we must be brave on everything and we must be brave, steel your mind and your nerves by submitting yourself to the horrid and the unimaginable, that's the only way to train and prepare your mind on every up and turns of this life. "Ignorance is bliss" are the traits of the weak minded and their minds must be opened to the truth for the greater good.
Clergy and Temples[edit]
Ted's clegy include lots of elves that are on the verge of insanity but well disciplined in order to tackle the bigger picture. They use their secret language, Baconian, to communicate. Temple's usually appears normal on the outside but most of the temple's copies the architectural style of the elven and nature deities temple's to lure lots of worshippers.
On the inside.... who knows.... o.0
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