Meatball Man (3.5e Class)
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The Meatball Man is know far and wide for eating any meat. But he wasn't satisfied with just eating meat anymore, so on the day of his largest feast yet he rolled up into a ball with his many meats. However, he still was hungry for yet more, and set out to devour and engorge on the meats of the world! He was said to be made by a Warforged named Gooseworx, with powers rivaling the deities with her art able to come to life.
People cower in fear at the Meatball Man's mighty power, and many took him as their deity. The Meatball Man however gains no deity power, but instead a title of one. This title allows him to persuade the followers of the Meatball Cult for a blood or body sacrifice. Said Cult have a recalling about The Meatball Man that bards of the Meatball Cult sing.
The Meatball Man's tale
Long ago in a distant fairy land there was a man known far and wide!
He was known to eat any meat: Human, chicken, horse, and bovine and then...
On the big day of his largest feast yet he rolled himself in a ball and, oh what a feat!
He's one with the meat!
He's the only Meatball man!
Though he'd become one with his many meats, he was still hungry for yet more!
He scoured the land for all the meat he could roll up in and engorge and then...
The poor doomed people saw him in his might!
Took him as their own god, now blood will be paid!
To the only Meatball man!
The lyrics to this was made by a cultist named KeifersIsAwesome.
Making a Meatball Man
The Meatball Man makes for an effective tank due to his high AC and damage reduction. Rolling is the only means movement for The Meatball Man
Abilities: The Meatball Man is very unique in that he can "swallow" any that has meat and add their meat to his meatball.
Races: The Meatball Man is suspected to be a human at his core, but he could be any race for all we know.
Alignment: Any Chaotic or Neutral Evil.
Starting Gold: 2d10 * 10
Starting Age: Complex
|1st||+1||+2||+0||+0||Impassable (Ex), Grabby Meatball, Swallow (Ex), Meatball body, Only One|
|2nd||+2||+3||+0||+0||Meaty Layers (Ex), Meat Throw (Ex), Everlasting Meat (Su),|
|3rd||+3||+3||+1||+1||Bone Spear (Ex), Extra Layers I|
|4th||+4||+4||+1||+1||Tough Exterior, Improved Unarmed Strike,|
|5th||+5||+4||+1||+1||Compact Meatball, Extra Layers II|
|6th||+6/+1||+5||+2||+2||Improved Meat Throw (Ex)|
|7th||+7/+2||+5||+2||+2||Skull Cannon (Ex), Extra Layers III|
|8th||+8/+3||+6||+2||+2||Meat Wall (Ex)|
|9th||+9/+4||+6||+3||+3||Meaty Breath, Extra Layers IV|
|10th||+10/+5||+7||+3||+3||Porcupine Meatball, Meaty Feat I|
|11th||+11/+6/+1||+7||+3||+3||Meaty Caravaneer ,Extra Layers V|
|13th||+13/+8/+3||+8||+4||+4||# , Extra Layers VI|
|15th||+15/+10/+5||+9||+5||+5||# , Extra Layers VII|
|17th||+17/+12/+7/+2||+10||+5||+5||# , Extra Layers VIII|
|19th||+19/+14/+9/+4||+11||+6||+6||# , Extra Layers IX|
Class Skills (2 + Int modifier) (* 4 at first level)
All of the following are class features of the Meatball Man.
Weapon and Armor Proficiency: The Meatball Man gains proficiency with his natural (and only) weapons. The Meatball Man cannot equip armor so he has no proficiency with them.
Impassable (Ex): Whenever a creature the same or any size category smaller than The Meatball Man enters in his threat range, he can attempt to grapple them.
Grabby Meatball: The Meatball Man does not provoke an attack of opportunity when he makes a touch attack to start a grapple.
Swallow (Ex): Different than Swallow Whole, The Meatball Man just needs to be grappling an opponent to swallow them gaining 20% more pounds that only go towards eating his daily fill. Alternatively, he may attach the body to his meaty exterior and the items expelled. Either way The Meatball Man decides to devour his opponent, they cannot be revived, but can be resurrected as The Meatball Man has no use for souls. The captured opponent can make an opposed Str or Dex check to escape. The victim will be engulfed in the ball after 1d4 rounds.
Meatball body: At 1st level, The Meatball Man loses all of his limbs and organs except his eyes, nose, and mouth (his ears are there somewhere) and turns into a meatball. He has honed a way to not smack his face on the ground while walking, and can move said face wherever on his body he so desires. The Meatball Man is immune to critical damage, and gains the subtype Monstrosity.
Only One: Whenever a poor soul decides to take a level in Meatball Man, they are taken over with the urge to eat any meat, and only meat. And no one else in any other universe may pick Meatball Man as a class (Basically one per table).
Insatiable Hunger: At 2nd level, The Meatball Man must eat at least 2% of his body weight at the start of the week in meat every day. If he does not eat at least 2% before dawn of the next day, The Meatball Man's outermost layer will lose as many pounds as he didn't eat. If The Meatball Man has no more layers to take meat from, he starts to take damage equal to 25% of his max heath that cannot be healed unless The Meatball Man eats at least 5% of the weight he was the week before. (It's good to keep up with your weight!)
Meaty Layers (Ex): At 2nd level, The Meatball Man can store excess meat on the outer layer of his body instead of his closed interior, but also making him have a max Dex AC bonus of +1. Each layer can hold 500 pounds and gives an AC bonus of layer weight / 100, the layers below the top layer also gives the AC bonus. If The Meatball Man loses a level to make his level an even number, his outermost layer falls off and starts to decompose at an alarming rate.
Meat Throw (Ex) At 2nd level, The Meatball Man gains the ability to sacrifice some of the top and sub layers and expel them outwards at breakneck speeds regardless of the size of the projectile or himself. The meatball deals 1d10 bludgeoning damage for every 10 pounds thrown, anything less than 10 pounds deals 1d4 bludgeoning damage.
Everlasting Meat (Su): At 2nd level The Meatball Man's acquired meat never rots nor spoils. The Meatball Man's love for meat is so strong that he bends the laws of aging just to keep his meatball fresh. If a piece of The Meatball Man is cut off, the piece says fresh for (1 + wis mod) rounds. After which the chunk decays into a black mass that's definitely not safe to eat.
Bone Spear (Ex) At 3rd level, The Meatball Man realizes that bones aren't just throw away leftovers, they're throw away weapons! He can save the bones of the unfortunate victims of his insatiable appetite and fire them into more unfortunate victims. There are about 200 bones in a medium creature, and exponentially more for larger creature. but every bone The Meatball Man acquires he splits in half subconsciously making 2 bone spears per bone. When launching the bone spear, add 1d6 pircing per size category above medium the creature was when they were alive, and -2 pircing damage below medium. The weight of a bone is 15% of the weight of the creature you got it from.
Extra Layers: At 3rd and every odd level thereafter, The Meatball Man gains another layer to pack meat upon.
Tough Exterior: Starting at 4th level, The Meatball Man relieves damage reduction 1/slashing for every 200 pounds The Meatball Man is currently hauling. (This Damage reduction stacks with itself of course)
Compact Meatball: At 5th level, The Meatball Man has started to get a feel for his spherical body and can now pull his meaty layers to his core and become one size category smaller than before. This compacting of meat makes his outermost layer become rock hard and he gains a natural armor bonus equal to his weight / 100. He may have this ability active for (str mod + 1) rounds
Improved Meat Throw (Ex): At 6th level, The Meatball Man has gained control over his body while it's detached from his own meatball. The meatball that he now throws will automatically make an attempt to grapple the target of the throw, constrict said target, and slowly (20 ft movement speed) make it's way back to The Meatball Man. The meatball is completely vulnerable while crawling back, and can even be coup de grace'd. The Meatball Man can layer meat onto the meatball to attempt to allow it to live long enough to make it back, giving it the same bonuses as his own layers, but only needing 5 pounds per layer.
Skull Cannon (Ex): At 7th level, The Meatball Man learns more about bones and decides to save skulls as heavier ammunition. Each skull weighs 6% of what the whole body was at the time of eating. Using the skull cannon can be charged, adding 1d10 bludg damage for every round charged. The skull itself deals 2d10 bludg damage + 1d10 every 10 pounds it weighs.
Meat Wall (Ex): At 8th level, The Meatball Man can now manipulate his meat in order to make walls to shield his allies. Like wall of iron, the meat wall shares all the same properties except for the material and the push over DC. The meat wall cannot be pushed over, but can be gone through with a DC strength check 30 + 1 every 10 pounds. Anyone who attempts and fails will be trapped inside the wall unless they can opposed grapple vs The Meatball Man's own grapple. If the victim fails the check, she can make another opposed grapple to avoid being pinned down. The pinned creature will start to suffocate.
Meaty Breath At 9th level, The Meatball Man can use his delicious smelling meat to lure creatures (with the ability to smell) to come closer and be grappled. The DC is wisdom based and is (10 + cha mod). This is a charm effect, and it effects a 30 ft radius.
Porcupine Meatball: At 10th level, The Meatball Man now realizes that the meatball he throws can die to basically anything. So he put bones into it and then threw it, and while also dealing 1d6 pircing extra damage, the meatball can defend itself as it makes its way back with it's new centipede legs using the bones (40 ft per round). The meatball can either stab at anything within 10 feet of it using half of The Meatball Man's BAB and dealing damage using also half of his Str. The other option is to shield itself from damage by sloting the bones together to make a sort of scale mail for itself.
Meaty Feat: At 10th level and every 10 levels, The Meatball Man takes a feat from the Meatball Feats.
|Feat name||Feat description|
|Meatier Layers||After taking this, The Meatball Man can now hold double the amount of weight on each layer.|
Meaty Caravaneer: At 11th level, The Meatball Man can now hold his party on top of himself, turning into a mobile fortress with his party as the guards. The Meatball Man also gains a +20ft boost to speed while Caraveneering.
Meaty Solider: At 12th level, The Meatball Man learns that brains aren't just meat, but are ways to power a multitude of objects! The Meatball Man can save the brain of creatures he swallows and put them into Meaty Walls to turn them into Meaty Soliders. The Meaty Soliders can equip items that humans can wear. Meaty Soliders are Living Constructs and gain all the traits of one. Meaty Soliders cannot be controled by anything other than The Meatball Man, but something could control The Meatball Man to control the soliders.
The Epic Meatball Man
|30th||Omnipotent status, Meaty Feat III|
10 + Int modifier skill points per level.
<-existing class feature->: <-how this class feature increases or accumulates at epic levels->
Bonus Feats: The epic <-class name-> gains a bonus feat (selected from the list of epic Meatball Man bonus feats) every level after 20th.
The Epic Meatball Man Bonus Feat List:
Playing The Meatball Man
Religion: The Meatball Man has no problem with worshiping a deity, mainly if it brings meat to his ball, and he has to give up eating vegetables.
Other Classes: The Meatball Man is not very charismatic, and not that great at getting people to help him, unless they're undead or not meaty.
Combat: The Meatball Man likes to get one of his teammates to scout out a group to eat while he hides as a mound. When a suitable group is found, he rolls into the fray and intimidates the party to stun them. He can then easily grab and devour them whole. When caught by surprise, The Meatball Man will try to roll over his assailant, or if there is no room to worm his way to eat them. If all else fails, he can throw his precious meat at the opponent.
The Meatball Man in the World
|“||"You shall be my next meal"||”|
|—The Meatball Man, ??? Meatball Man|
Daily Life: The Meatball Man likes to roll around in open plains, eating and rolling over various trees, animals, and vegetation.
Notables: There have been a rumor that there can only be one Meatball Man, and he takes over the common folk of the world to convert into meatballs.
Organizations: A cult has formed calling themselves the Meatball Cult, and worship the thing like a deity. He seems to talk with them and they bring him bodies and buckets.
NPC Reactions: Most NPCs are scared of the Meatball Man, but notable warriors have tried to slay the "beast of meat." The Meatball Cult seems to have no problems being sassy to the meatball though.
Lore of the Meatball Man
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (History) can research information on The Meatball Man to learn more about them. When a character makes a skill check, read or paraphrase the following, including information from lower DCs.
|50||The Meatball Man is the creation of one man's love to eat meats.|
|100||The Meatball Man is on a journey to devour any and all meat on the world.|
|150||The Meatball Man has hopped from universe to universe, either being banished by the gods or using some unknown way to traverse the multiverse.|
|200||The Meatball Man has the ability to hop from universes if he successfully devours the whole planet he lands on, then he will gain the ability to open a portal and shed his meat to acquire more meat.|
The Meatball Man in the Game
The Meatball Man is a creature of chaos, and there is only one.
Adaptation: The Meatball Man has the potential to gain infinite knowledge and meat, and can use this past knowledge to grow limbs and become humanoid, or even become vegetarian.
Sample Encounter: Over the horizon you see what seems to be a large tumbleweed come towards you, but on closer inspection, it's a meatball! The meatball stops and a face is revealed, says "I shall devour you" and a group comes out from the meaty interior with weapons in hand and looking menacingly at the party. Roll initiative.