Jester Jokes (DnD Other)
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Jester Jokes[edit]
Have you ever needed a joke to add flavor, whether you're a court jester, street performer, amusing child or eccentric fellow. Here shall be a place to find them. Feel free to add your own.
- Joke 1
Q: What kind of monster brings you chocolates and flowers before it eats you?
A: A Romanticore.
- Joke 2
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?
A: Matt
- Joke 3
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?
A: Bob
- Joke 4
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?
A: Phil
- Joke 5
Q: Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
- Joke 6
A horse walks into a bar and yells "Hey!".
- Joke 7
Three dragons walk into a bar... there were no survivors.
- Joke 8
2 humans walk into a bar, the halfling walks under it.
- Joke 9
An Ogre walks into a bar with flint and steel. The bartender lets him in but says, "Don't start anything".
- Joke 10
Q: What is iritating, doesn't go away, and makes you miserable?
A: A lich (play on itch)
- Joke 11
Q: why did the cockatrice cross the road?
A: someone ate the chicken.
- Joke 12
Q: What did the peasant say to the angry witch?
A: "Ribbit."
- Joke 13
Q: What do you throw to a Drowning Dwarf?
A: His Wife and Children!! (Its a Drow Joke)
- Joke 14
Q: What do you call a one-armed and one-legged woman up against a wall?
A: Eileen.
- Joke 15
Q: Why are the knights always so tired?
A: Because they worked on the knight shift!
Bad Jokes[edit]
For the jesters that aren't really that funny.
- Bad Joke 1
A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding so the barbarian throws the wizard overboard.
- Bad joke 2
A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding and the wizard teleports away, so the barbarian jumps overboard himself.
- Bad joke 3
A group of adventurers are trying to extract information from a farmer. They finally give up and begin to walk away. Suddenly the wizard says, "I bet the pig could tell us what we need to know". The rogue then says, "Yea, I bet the barbarian could talk to it also. they have the same inteligence
- Bad Joke 4
Half the orcs in my town are in prison. As for the other half, just give them some time.
- Bad Joke 5
Your mother is so-so.
- Bad Joke 6
What's the difference between a zombie and a politician? One is a brainless, useless waste of space, and the other one is a zombie.
- Bad Joke 7
An adventurer walks in to a crowded tavern to gather information. When he sits down at his table, a fat woman opposite says, "You know, if you were a gentleman, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." The adventurer responds with, "If you were a lady, you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
- Bad Joke 8
"Mommy, why are we pushing the carriage off the cliff?"
"Be quiet, you'll wake your father."
- Bad Joke 9
What is the easiest way to kill two dragons? Throw a platinum piece in between them and watch them fight to the death.
- Bad Joke 10
A barmaiden is good for 71 things: Cooking, Catering, and 69.
- Bad Joke 11
Q: Why did the goblin cross the road?
A: He didn't, he only got halfway before the dwarves tagged him
- Bad Joke 12
Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Getting attacked by a red dragon.
- Bad Joke 13
Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding a wyrm in your apple.
- Bad Joke 14
Q: Why did the child drop his lollypop?
A: Because he was hit by a carriage.
- Bad Joke 15
Two dwarves walk out of a pub.
- Bad Joke 16
A: Old people at weddings tap me on the shoulder and say your next. So i started doing the same at funerals
- Bad Joke 17
Q: What does a Lava Child call its mother?
A: Magma.
- Bad Joke 18
Q: What's red and invisible?
A: No tomatoes.
- Bad Joke 19
Q: What do people in Waterdeep call cats?
A: Cats.
- Bad Joke 20
A Noblewoman walks into a bar. A knight asks, "Why did you deserve the title 'Noble'?" The Noblewoman responds, "It's just one thing we are that you aren't."
- Bad Joke 21
You know, I used to have a druid friend named Silvia before she was eaten by a dragon. *starts sobbing*
Pickup Lines[edit]
Because hey, it happens a lot in bars.
- Pickup Line 1
"Is that a rod of lordly might in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
- Pickup Line 2
"Maybe it's just your charm spell, but your hotness is overcoming my fire resistance."
- Pickup Line 3
"Are you a wizard? Because I was just enchanted"
- Pickup Line 4
"Is that your new spell, Stunning Jugs, or is it all natural?"
- Pickup Line 5
"Do you want to find out how to soften my Immovable Rod?"
- Pickup Line 6
"Do you wanna see MY Lance of Faith?"
- pickup line 7
"I may have a "ring of greater sustenance" but i'm still hungry for you"
- pickup line 8
"A,B,C,Don't."
- pickup line 9
"Have you been drinking?"
- pickup line 10
"You're nothin' like a tree. You won't leaf me alone!"
- pickup line 11
"Have you wondered what it would be like with less teeth and more bruises?"
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