Bolgus the Giant Drunkard (DnD Story)
From D&D Wiki
There he slumbered, snoring loudly. In a cave of bats, Near the Boggart villages of Uaimh and Fréamh. He slept peacefully for three days except for the occasional loud spell of belching and flatulence.
"Bolgos the Drunkard" The Boggarts named him (Boggarts are a type of goblin that enjoy farming the strangest of things like insects, roots and gourds). For Bolgos was seen as a local hero to the Boggart Villages west of the Twelve Duns where humans were hesitant to cross because this land was Unseelie Fae land.
Bolgos was a Fachan (a type of cyclops giant native to the islands of Samhain) and these Fachan generally lived in the misty highlands or deep in caves in small family clans. Fachans were generally simple minded brutes who raided boggart or highlander villages to steal sheep, boars, cattle, gourds, tubers, potatoes or cauldron's of porridge they also hunted the mighty highland elk's and oxen with their crude spears and clubs. If famine struck, then they might even eat Boggarts or humans but only in desperation for they tasted foul and the stench of both was potent.
Anyways, Bolgos slept, and he slept for several days. He drank a whole "Butt-load" of spiced ale, which is not a vulgar term but actually a massive barrel of ale worth 120 imperial gallons or at least two "hogsheads" barrels worth of ale. This was half a Tun (the biggest barrels ever crafted in all the solstice isles) and he swore to himself that if he was to mortally wounded in battle, he will attempt to end his existence drinking a "Tun" of ale. When he stole the "Butt-load" from the neighboring highland Bastle-House (Fortified farms) villages of Clan Lennox (Human Highlanders who live on the eastern side of the "Twelve Duns"). Not only did he steal a "Butt" of ale he also stole an entire cow in his other arm. It would have been utter comedy to witness but to the Lennox Clan, this was the sixth time in the year he performed such heists... and they were even more red with fury than they were. Bolgos apparently ran completely naked out of the fortified village, his tunic having been snagged on the wooden stakes that surrounded the village walls. When he returned to the Boggart village of Uaimh they removed scores of arrows and spears that were stuck in his extremely muscular back or hairy buttocks, even a broadsword (driven into his arm) and the head of a Lochaber Axe! (found plunged into his shoulder). Bolgos was mighty even for a Fachan giant, and he stood as tall as a highland pine of 6 years (roughly 12 feet tall) but generally he was hunched over so he stood somewhere between 9 to 10 feet and was heavily muscled from a life of climbing up cliffs and digging up clay soil to help the Boggart's plow and find all manner of tubers and potatoes growing deep in the highland soil. He also frequently dug deep in the pits of wild red-boars, easily brained them with a boulder the size of a man and carry their carcasses to a nearby Boggart village so they can quickly cook up the delicious beasts.
The Boggarts loved him, he was surprisingly friendly and helpful for a wild fachan and they generally tried to provide as much ale and mead as they could muster to satiate his love of hooch for Bolgos loved drinking and was almost infamous for being the "Giant Drunkard" of the highlands.
Bolgos generally didn't try to kill any highland guards when he went on his raid, and he generally struck only when heavy fog descended upon the highlands. Bolgos would kick, push or slap any fearsome Lennox berserkers that came charging his way, and these were tall, powerful and fierce men whose footsteps thundered as they charged into battle wielding their massive claymores and lochabers. These highlander warriors were big men, the smallest would weigh as much as a large barrel of ale (200lbs) and the largest of these berserkers weighed as much as a hogshead-barrel (400lbs) and many of them were mostly muscle. Still Bolgos almost playfully slapped or pushed them aside as they screamed in important fury as they crashed into the local furniture and barn doors of their village. Bolgos generally laughed at their failed attacks, this was comedy to him, to see such angry ginger haired warriors flung around like rag dolls. He sometimes would grab them by their legs and use them as makeshift clubs to strike their brethren and send them flying into across the grassy highlands in comedic piles of unconscious warriors. After fighting off a swarm of them, he would sometimes come back to the defeated ones to simply commit a great act of flatulence on their unconscious forms and then go back to running across the border while guffawing a deep belly laugh all way back to the boggart villages across the Twelve Duns. The Highlanders never actually wanted to kill Bolgos per se, but badly injure him and drive him off.
When Bolgos would return he would retell his comedic and epic exploits to the boggarts who drank from the stolen barrels and cooked the plundered livestock. The whole village would laugh hysterically of his stories of flatulence on the fearsome highlanders, of flinging dung into their screaming faces, of using them as makeshift clubs to playful batter them into manure pits or dumping entire hog troughs on them. For a Fachan giant he was awfully funny, even if he spoke in simple sentences.
Bolgos was having fun bullying the Picts and Caledonians on the other side of the border but he didn't really want to take their lives... now Nords on the other hand he hated with a passion. Whenever he encountered their raiding parties or whaling ships he would actively try to either sink their ships by hurling sharpened stakes and or boulders at them and if they made their way onto the shores of Samhain to pillage the land for food he would descend onto them with a large oaken club and pave their skulls, easily flattening their helmets and crushing their skulls... the Nords would show no mercy and aim to kill by trying to strike his eyes, head and stomach with their spears and axes. Unseelie fae in general hated Nords and for good reason, the bastards came across the Jormund seas of the North in the age of myth and devastated their islands... to this day the Samhain islands are cursed with fell magic from a pact to drive out the invading armies of Nords and their giant masters. Bolgos father was personally slain by Nords during one of their ocean raids into the Orkney Islands and so he had a very personal vendetta against this tribe of men from artic lands of Johtunhiem.
Well Bolgos awoke from dreams of stealing ale and slapping berserkers into pig troughs and he awoke groggy and with a pounding headache, he could feel the swelling in his loins and bowels and he quickly jolted over to a deep cavern pit and relieved himself. Phew! he stretched his taught muscles and could hear all his muscles and bones popping. How long did he sleep? the epic feasting and drinking really did a number on him and all those wounds he suffered need time to regenerate. Bolgos sauntered off to the nearby village of Fréamh, he could smell the boggarts making a soup of sea-weed, clams and eggs.
As he approached the village of Boggarts they all cheered and greeted him, the children among their kind raced through his legs and leapt on his back and laughed and giggled... he pretended to be a cave bear and playfully grunt and roar while the Goblin-children laughed in delight. He then proceded to walk gentle around the rambunctious boggart children and walk his way to Aunt Nagi's cauldron in the center of the village... the fire slowly popped and burned under this massive black cauldron and she stirred soup with a great ladel, Aunt Nagi saw Bolgos and waived him over.
"Ah" she exclaimed "Big Bolgos! ya lummox come on over we got soup and roasted potatoes to eat." Bolgos looked around her hut and he found a smaller cauldron that he easily hefted in one hand, dusted it off and dipped it into the morning soup. It was green and yellow and smelled of brine and goodness and he brought the steaming hot broth to his lips and drank deeply. by Dagda it was rich! and yet light, it was perfect to help clear his ale addled mind and cure his hangover.
He suddenly felt relieved, his pounding headache and stuffy nose was cured almost in an instant. He could taste the clams, crabs, fish, goose eggs and briney seaweed all at once... and aunty even blessed this seaweed with garlic and rosemary! he quickly stopped over near the hot stones and there was several somewhat burnt potatoes, sweet potatoes and long tubers... which he tossed them into his mouth, sucked up the flesh and spat out the burnt skin on the sand ground of the village.
Aunt Nagi looked at him and said "Ahh, no table manners! A true Fachan after my own heart! anyways who needs table manners when you can steal who Butts and Hogsheads from those grouchy gingers across the mountains? ha!" she laughed and Bolgos joined in with the entire Boggart tribe in a hearty chortle.
She quickly turned to the Boggart Children and barked at them "well, clean up after yet Bolgos! If ya want to be well fed on lamb, boar and ale don't ya?" and the children quickly cleaned up all the burnt potatoe skin and broth that remained in the soup cauldron from which Bolgos refreshed himself with.
Bolgos lifted himself up with great effort and said "Welp! Aunty! should I got out next week and steal another butt-load? maybe even a Tun?" He chortled
Aunt bit her lips in worry "listen Bolgos, yer strong and mighty this is true, but those highlanders can only tolerate so much gob-shyte before they find a way to kill ye... maybe hit another village from another clan next month?"
