Birb (3.5e Race)

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"All I heard was hiccups and I saw a little white blob of feathers teleporting over the room. When it stopped, I walked up to it and tried to examine what I thought was new species of bird, yet as I touched it, it spoke 'Hey, get your hands... is that cheese I smell?' It had the same intelligence as any humanoid. It later told me that it was a Birb, yet could not tell me where it was from. I must investigate this race further." -Excerpt from #732.9 of Merlin's Journals


They generally act lazy but quite curious when not in battle. You can usually find them napping or eating at most establishments, though due to their stature, they can easily be missed.

Physical Description[edit]

Birbs usually are about anywhere from 6 to 12 inches tall and weigh anything between 1 to 10 pounds. They resemble birds but their anatomy is unknown. They cannot fly without the use of magic. They can have any color of feathers and take patterns from other birds. They tend to have small beaks and black, beady eyes. They have tiny legs and are quite soft and squishy. (If you want a mental image, they are meant to resemble a birb VR model from VR Chat) Their anatomy consists of a beak, two small eyes, and a pocket dimension that acts as their stomach. Their entire body is a mass of feathers and this trait is what makes most attacks seemingly pass through them


As long as a member of the party doesn't want to eat them, they get along quite easily with any race that isn't related to snakes, cats, or rodents. They are more inclined to favor ones who gift them food.


Birbs are usually neutral but can be any alignment with good reason.


Birbs can live literally anywhere they like as long as there is a good food source.


Any and all. Some prefer Tiamat as she rules the chaos dimension.


They can speak any language that they learn fluently, but basic Birbs usually just speak common.


Their names can come from anywhere but they are usually named like humans or elves.

Racial Traits[edit]

  • Birbs have a +2 to constitution and a +1 to charisma yet a -2 to strength: Birbs are cute and therefore can win over most humanoids. They are basically small birds so they are not very strong but have surprising stamina.
  • Magical Beast: Origins of this race are unknown but they resemble birds
  • Chaotic events: Whenever they sneeze or something like sneezing(i.e.: hiccup, vomit, cough, fart, etc.), something random happens. This is up to the DM and are mostly harmless events such as sneezing glitter, farting pink smoke, or changing a party member's skin color to purple plaid when they cough. These events are permanent, however, a 3rd level(or higher) caster or healer can reverse them quite easily. These events can cause 1 to 2 points of subdual damage such as a roof tile falling on a character's head.
  • Diminutive: +4 to AC, +4 to hide checks.
  • Birb base land speed is 30 feet.
  • Automatic Languages: Common. Bonus Languages: Abyssal, Undercommon, Orcish, Dwarven, Elven, Gnome.
  • Favored Class: Caster archetype or Stealth archetype.

Vital Statistics[edit]

Table: Birb Random Starting Ages
Adulthood Simple Moderate Complex
18 years +2 +5 +8
Table: Birb Aging Effects
Middle Age1 Old2 Venerable3 Maximum Age
50 years 140 years 300 years +500 years
  1. At middle age, −1 to Str, Dex, and Con; +1 to Int, Wis, and Cha.
  2. At old age, −2 to Str, Dex, and Con; +1 to Int, Wis, and Cha.
  3. At venerable age, −3 to Str, Dex, and Con; +1 to Int, Wis, and Cha.
Table: Birb Random Height and Weight
Gender Base Height Height Modifier Base Weight Weight Modifier
Male 0’ 10” +2 7 lb. × (1) lb.
Female 0’ 8” +2 5 lb. × (1) lb.

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