Bad (5e Class)
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Bad[edit]
This is not an April Fools' class. This is a serious class. Honest. I will immediately remove any attempt to make this an April Fools class. Immediately.
This class has no reason for being. It's really just a bad class that breaks all the rules about what makes a good class. It is simultaneously over powered and under powered. And just contains a collection of irreconcilable bad ideas. Nothing synergizes, and the introduction contains no fluff.
Bad Leader[edit]
Your bad character also makes a bad leader.
Creating a Bad Character[edit]
I question why anyone would want to run this class. Why do you want to run this class?. You must be chaotic. What kind of chaotic are you (the player not the PC)? You must run this PC with your own chaotic personality. No RP here. Just run this as yourself. Except when you switch to the princess subclass. Unless you are a princess.
- Quick Build
You can make a Bad Character quickly by following these suggestions. First, charisma should be your highest ability score, followed by wisdom. Second, choose the Noble Dragon Tamer background. Third, choose the Whaler's Kit.
Class Features
As a Bad Character you gain the following class features.
- Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d3 per Bad Character level
Hit Points at 1st Level: 3 + Constitution modifier
Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d3 (or 2) + Constitution modifier per Bad Character level after 1st
- Proficiencies
Armor: any armor
Weapons: any weapons
Tools: any tools
Saving Throws:
Skills: Bad Characters have no skills and can never have skills. They do however start with an extra feat, even if the DM does not use feats.
- Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:
- (a) snow shoes or (b) unicycle or (c) the one ring
- (a) 10x10x10 foot cube of styrofoam or (b) 30 foot pole or (c) 50 gallons of whiskey
- (a) aircraft carrier or (b) small moon or (c) tree stump
- (a) egg beater or (b) bubble gum or (c) hand sauna
| Level | Proficiency Bonus |
Features | Temp HP | —Spell Slots per Spell Level— | ||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th | 6th | 7th | 8th | 9th | ||||
| 1st | +2 | Juggernaut Armor, Temporary Hit Points and Spell Casting, Extra Feat | 1 | 2 | — | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 2nd | +2 | Free Wish Spell, Multiple Attacks, Theme Song | 4 | 3 | — | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 3rd | +2 | Subclasses - Pirate, Ninja, Cowboy, or Princess | 9 | 4 | 2 | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 4th | +2 | Ability Score Improvement, Assassin | 16 | 4 | 3 | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 5th | +3 | You Get Nothing | 16 | 4 | 3 | 2 | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 6th | +3 | Gladiator | 36 | 4 | 3 | 3 | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 7th | +3 | Berserker | 49 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | — | — | — | — |
| 8th | +3 | Ability Score Improvement, Pirate | 64 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | — | — | — | — |
| 9th | +4 | Cavalier | 81 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | — | — | — |
| 10th | +4 | Blindness | 100 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | — | — | — |
| 11th | +4 | Hitman | 121 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | — | — | — |
| 12th | +4 | Ability Score Improvement, Ninja | 144 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | — | — | — |
| 13th | +5 | Elf | 169 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | — | — |
| 14th | +5 | Nobility | 196 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | — | — |
| 15th | +5 | Deaf, Mute, and Illiterate | 225 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | — |
| 16th | +5 | Ability Score Improvement, Cowboy | 256 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | — |
| 17th | +6 | Femme Fatale | 289 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 18th | +6 | Samurai | 324 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 19th | +6 | Ability Score Improvement, Princess, More Multiple Attacks | 361 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 20th | +6 | Superhero | 400 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
Temporary Hit Points and Spell Casting[edit]
- Long Rest
- At the end of a long rest, you lose all of your temporary hit points, and regain all of your spell slots.
- Short Rest
- At the end of each short rest you lose all of your spell slots, and you regain all of your temporary hit points.
- Alphabet Spell Casting
- Spell List At the beginning of each level, you pick a letter of the alphabet. You can cast any spell on any list of spells that begins with that letter during that level.
- Required Casting Focus At the beginning of each level you must pick a new casting focus. It must begin with the same letter as the spells you cast for that level. If you lose the focus, or no longer have access to it, you can not cast any spells for the rest of the level.
- Never Reuse a Letter You may never reuse a letter you have used at a previous level. So you might want to wait till level 17 before using the 'W', so you can get a wish spell.
- Hit Point Casting Cost When you cast a spell you lose hit points equal to the spell's spell slot level.
- If this effect takes you below zero hit points, you die immediately and can never be resurrected. And you can never roll out another character with this class, ever.
- Hibernation at Zero Life
- If you fall to zero hit points, you don't make any death saves. You hibernate for 47 minutes. When hibernating, you can not be awakened. This counts as a long rest.
Extra Feat[edit]
Even if your DM does not use feats, you gain an extra feat at first level. This feature overrides the DM, so just point to this feature if the DM objects.
Free Wish Spell[edit]
Starting at level 2, whenever you advance in level you gain a free wish (except when advancing to level 5), as per the 9th level wish spell. Any wish you made at a previous level comes to an end, and you get a new wish. So for example, if last level you wished for someone to be alive that had died, they die again.
Multiple Attacks[edit]
Starting at second level, you get an attack on an opponent for every pair of eyes it has that can see you. When you are attacking a predator of humanoid, their eyes are set so they can both see you at the same time. So you get one attack. But herbivores generally have their eyes set so only one can see you at any one time, so you actually have disadvantage on your attacks on a herbivore. If you are fighting creatures with more than two eyes, you get extra attacks for each additional pair that can see you beyond the first two. If an odd number of eyes can see you, then the last attack you make is at disadvantage. So if you are attacking an ettin, and it closes one of its eyes, you get two attacks because it has four eyes, but one of them is closed.
Subclass Feature[edit]
At 3rd level, you chose a subclass template. Choose between princess, ninja, pirate, or cowboy detailed at the end of the class description. Your choice grants you a feature at this level and again at whatever level you can chose that template again. Other templates also exist at some other levels besides ninja, pirate, and cowboy. Each template can be chosen at the level indicated.
- You Keep One Previous Subclass
- When you get a new subclass, you lose the features of all the previous subclasses you have chosen except one, so starting at 4th level, you always have two subclasses.
Ability Score Improvement[edit]
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can't increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Assassin[edit]
At level 4 you not only get an ASI but you get to be an assassin.
When you reach 4th level you the player have to sing Bad Guy by Billie Eilish.
You Get Nothing[edit]
At level 5 you get squat. Even though the spell chart says you gain 3rd level spells, you don't actually gain them until 6th level. You gain no new hit points. Not even temporary hit points You do not get a free wish at this level. You do not gain a subclass. You do not pass Go. You do not collect $200. While all the other PCs are getting much more powerful at this level, you get nothing.
You don't even get to sing a song.
Gladiator[edit]
At level 6, you become a gladiator. You get +1 to all attacks if you an audience of 10 people or more, +2 with an audience of 100 or more, +3 with an audience of 1000 or more. The audience may not be involved in the fight as antagonists or protagonists.
At level 6, you also resume gaining spell levels and temporary hit points that were delayed from 5th level.
When you rise to 6th level, you the player have to sing Bad by Michael Jackson. And the other players have to do the hand clapping parts.
Berserker[edit]
Starting at level 7 you not only get a bunch of new spells but you get to be a berserker.
At this level you the player have to sing Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood.
Cavalier[edit]
Starting at 9th level you not only get a bunch of new spells but you get to be a cavalier.
You gain a suit of shiny plate armor, you become male, and everyone addresses you as 'sir knight'.
When you reach 9th level, you the player need to sing Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top. All the other players have to pound on the table to beat the time of the music.
Blindness[edit]
At 10th level you become blind. You spend all of 12th level blind. Any spell or feature that fixes this only lasts 14 turns. Then you become blind again.
Hitman[edit]
Starting at 11th level you not only get a bunch of new spells but you get to be a hitman.
Elf[edit]
At 13th level, you become an elf. You can see for miles and miles. Your age advances by 1000 years, and you can remember all the events your entire lifetime, even if it stretches back before the beginning of the campaign world. Your skin turns light green and your ears become pointy.
- Unless You Were An Elf
- If you were already an elf, you become a half-elf, and your age declines to 25 years, and you forget everything before 25 years ago, and your skin turns blue. People call you 'smurf'.
Nobility[edit]
At 14th level, you become a well fed noble. Your weight doubles. You gain 28 more hit points.
- Sat Attack
- You can damage people by sitting on them. You can make a sit attack using the same rules as a grapple attack. Your sit attack does 3d6 points of damage.
When you reach 14th level, you the player have to sing the song Fat by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Deaf, Mute, and Illiterate[edit]
At 15th level, you are deaf, mute and illiterate. You can not hear , talk, read , or write for all of 11th level. And telepathy does not work to communicate with you.
If you want to communicate it has to be by playing charades, and anyone communicating with you also has to play charades. This means players too guys. You can't just say your character is using charades. You have to actually do it.
Femme Fatale[edit]
Starting at 17th level you not only get a bunch of new spells but you get to be a femme fatale. You become female, and you speak with a Russian accent. You wear a little black dress, and you smoke cigarettes with a long black cigarette holder.
- Blood Drinking
- You can drink blood like a vampire, healing 1 HP per round by sucking the blood of your victims causing 1d6 points of damage.
When you reach 17th level you the player have to sing Bad Blood by Taylor Swift.
Samurai[edit]
At 18th level you become a samurai. Any critical hit on your first attack will sever an opponent's limb, ans long as you are using a kitana.
Superhero[edit]
At 20th level you become a superhero.
- You can fly at 360 ft per round.
- You are immune to all non-magical damage, and resistant to all magical damage.
- Your punch does 12d6.
- You can shoot laser beams from your eyes that do 4d6 damage at up to 1000 feet distance.
- You can teleport at will to any place in the world or to and from your small moon, aircraft carrier, or other original equipment.
- You are immune to all enchantments and psychic attacks.
Subclasses - Pirate, Ninja, Cowboy, or Princess[edit]
Most levels have their own subclass as listed above, but these four are paramount, because they are the most annoying to the DM and the other players.
Pirate[edit]
You become a pirate. You gain a ship and crew of 3d6 members. Even if you are on land, your crew follows you everywhere you go. Your crew members are all fighters and have half your level rounded down, and each gets their own initiative, weapons and subclass. Roll up 3d6 fighters, and use them all in every combat. They all have the pirate background.
When you become a pirate for the first time, you the player have to sing Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Ninja[edit]
You become a ninja. You have to wear black from head to toe, even when bathing. You have advantage on stealth, and can even hide in bright sunlight in an open field. You take half damage when falling, and you can jump over one story buildings. You wear no armor, and your weapons morph into katanas or sis or something. You also gain dual weapon proficiency. Your armor class is 10 plus your proficiency plus your bonuses in dexterity, wisdom, intelligence, and charisma. You can move at speed 40 ft when unarmored. No one sees your face again until you advance in level and have a new subclass.
When you become a ninja for the first time, you the player have to sing Jump Around by House of Paine, and the other players all have to sing the chorus, and the DM has to do the beat box acapela.
Cowboy[edit]
As a cowboy, you gain a horse, and a six-gun, even if there are no six-guns in the campaign.
- Six-Gun
- You can make 6 bullets while everyone else is on a short rest. You can only have six bullets at a time. Each bullet does damage equal to the lowest number rolled on two 20 sided dice.
- Horse
- You must bring your horse with you everywhere. Inside, into the king's court, into the dungeon, onto the deck of a ship, etc. Your horse will somehow get killed every game session, but somehow you get a new horse after a long rest.
When you become a cowboy for the first time, you the player have to whistle The Good, the Bad and the Ugly tune by Ennio Morricone. If you can't whistle, you have to sing Rawhide by Frankie Laine, and the DM has to make acapella whip cracking sounds.
Princess[edit]
You become a princess. You become female with a royal background. You may choose between elf princess and human princess.
- Human Princess
- If human, your age drops to 16 years old.
- Elf Princess
- If elf, your age advances to 1000 years old, but you still only remember the last 16 years.
Becoming a princess derails whatever plans the DM had for adventures. You gain a favored enemy who tries to capture you about once every 10 days. During every encounter creatures will try to capture rather than kill you. Once you have been captured, the party will need to rescue you. They do not have any other choice. Even if the DM decides otherwise. If the DM objects, point to this homebrew feature, as this feature overrules the DM. Then the party will try to rescue you nearly every play session until you advance in level. Your level can never exceed the level of the highest level of the other members of the party.
When you Become a princess for the first time, you player have to sing Both Sides, Now by Joni Mitchell.
Bad Spell List[edit]
You know all of the spells on all spell lists starting with a particular letter plus the additional spells below:
- Cantrips
You get no cantrips.
- 1st Level
Compelled Duel plus all first level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 2nd Level
Find Traps plus all 2nd level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 3rd Level
Flame Arrows plus all 3rd level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 4th Level
Elemental Bane plus all 4th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 5th Level
Legend Lore plus all 5th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 6th Level
Eyebite plus all 6th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 7th Level
Mordenkainen’s Sword plus all 7th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 8th Level
Glibness plus all 8th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
- 9th Level
Weird plus all 9th level spells starting with your chosen spell letter.
Multiclassing[edit]
Prerequisites. To qualify for multiclassing into this Bad Class, you must meet these prerequisites: All of your abilities must be odd numbers.
Proficiencies. When you multiclass into this Bad Class, you gain the following proficiencies: An extra Feat.
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